|
My Testimony of
the Saving Grace of
Jesus Christ
By Ann (MtnLdy)
When I was five years old, my mother was ill during her pregnancy
with my middle brother, and was bedridden during the last several
months of her term. My father was a policeman and was attending
seminary too, and so my family was living temporarily with my
grandparents in southern California. I can remember standing on a
stool doing dishes in my grandmother’s kitchen, and realizing that I
was all alone in my skin, in the whole universe. I’m not sure what
brought on this realization, but it was very profound. My grandmother
was a godly woman, and also my Sunday school teacher at the time. I
can remember her telling me that if I were to ask God to forgive me of
my sins and invite Jesus into my heart, I would never have to be alone
again. I did as she told me and have felt alone many times since then,
but have always had the head knowledge and assurance that I wasn’t.
Even so, since my earliest years, there was always a conflict between
what was God’s, and what wasn’t. My father claimed to be a Christian,
and would eventually become a preacher, but for as long as I could
remember, he used me in a way no father should use his daughter, and I
grew up knowing that I was good for only one thing.
When I was eight years old, we were living in Arizona and by then
my father had become a preacher. We moved a lot and I didn’t make
friends very easily, so I spent most of my time in books and my
imagination. I loved Jesus, but wasn’t sure He loved me. Under my
mother’s Christian teaching, I came to realize that I was a sinner and
that I needed Jesus as my Savior, not just as a Companion. I repented
of my sins and was baptized by my father in the Colorado River.
By the time I was eleven, our family had continued to grow, and I
was the oldest of five. We had a Sunday morning radio program and I
used to sing on the program and in the regular service, and was
teaching the preschool Sunday school class with flannel graphs.
When I was twelve years old, we were back living in California
again, and my dad had given up the ministry by then. I attended a
Christian summer camp in the Sierras, and had an emotional experience
at one of the evening services. I dedicated my life to the Lord during
the altar call, and was baptized again by the pastor of our church,
later that summer. I had my fire insurance policy, and knew that if I
died, I would go to heaven, but figured that because of who I was and
where I came from, I would be relegated to the broom closet. Who knows
where that doctrine came from, but I sort of believed it for a long
time.
In middle school and high school, I was still painfully shy,
studious and uncoordinated. Because of my height, coaches tried
getting me into team sports, but it never went very well, and I felt
very different and isolated. It’s funny that the name "Ann" means
grace, but I felt that my mother had misnamed me because I wasn’t very
graceful. It would be years before I realized that the grace my name
stands for, is God’s grace, not mine.
At that time in my life, I didn’t really know much about God’s
grace. My father’s brand of Christianity was very legalistic. I wasn’t
able to cut my hair, wear pants, go to dances, or do most of the
things the girls at school were doing, and then at sixteen, my parents
finally divorced.
By the time I was seventeen, I had made up for all the years of not
being part of a group, by buying into everything our culture offered
to a young girl in the early 1970’s. I became a hippie and was part of
a group that believed in "free love", "free drugs", and "make love,
not war". I started hitchhiking cross-country to rock concerts and was
into all kinds of drugs, alcohol and promiscuous sex. It would be
years before I would realize that nothing is "free", but by then, I
had had several scrapes with the law, was arrested for working in a
massage parlor when I was eighteen, and went through my first divorce,
from an extremely violent man. I’m not using the circumstances of my
life to make excuses, but take responsibility for all the mistakes and
sin from this period of time in my life. They were all choices I made
trying to live my life apart from God.
From the time I was twelve until I was in my mid-twenties I also
explored a variety of cultic practices: Ouija boards, séances,
transcendental meditation, and various psychic experiments. I was
fascinated by the supposed power that came from it, and am convinced
now that many foolish women turn to these things because they
otherwise feel powerless in their lives. I know now that the only true
power available to human beings is the power of the Holy Spirit.
When I was twenty-four years old, I rededicated my life to the Lord
as an adult, and was baptized for the third time. I had learned my
lesson, and was ready to turn every thing over to the Lord. That is,
except for the man in my life, because I knew I wouldn’t be happy with
a boring Christian. I was wrong, and although now I would love to have
a wonderful Christian man as a part of my life, it doesn’t seem to be
God’s will or timing for me yet.
So, in 1983 I ended up living with my boyfriend in Utah. Looking
back now, I believe that God had taken me into the wilderness to show
me how far I had wandered out of His will, and that again I had been
taking Him for granted. He was right and I promised Him that if He
ever got me out of Utah I would live my life for Him forever after. As
soon as I came back to California, I forgot my promise, and continued
to make a mess of things on my own for a few more years.
Finally, in 1987, after going through two divorces, numerous live
in relationships, one abortion, being arrested for prostitution, using
various drugs and alcohol, and forays into mysticism, I truly gave my
totally messed up life to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
The Assurance of My Salvation
This is the fun part. The assurance I have of my salvation is
evidence, historical evidence of the truth of the Bible, and Jesus
Christ’s life, death and resurrection. Based on the truth of the
Bible, God’s Word, I claim Ephesians chapter 2 to be my story and the
assurance of my salvation. There is also the evidence of a changed
life.
I moved to the Sierra Mountains, in May of 1987. Under the teaching
of my local pastor, and numerous other great preachers, both in the
area, and on Pilgrim Radio, I began to grow spiritually in the
understanding and knowledge of God.
I belonged to the singles group through the church, and it focused
mainly on Bible study and Christian books, rather than social
activities. We did C. S. Lewis’; Mere Christianity, Derek
Prince’; God is a Match-maker, and Larry Burkett’s; How to
Manage Your Money, to name a few. Through the years, Alan B
Stringfellows’; Great Truths of the Bible, Henry Blackaby’s;
Experiencing God, and Beth Moore, have all had an influence on my
beliefs and relationship with the Lord, but of them all, Oswald
Chambers’; My Utmost for His Highest has had the most impact on
my spiritual walk. My beloved godly stepfather and mother gave it to
me for my birthday in 1989, and I’ve been reading it daily for the
last fifteen years. Recently, a friend gave me Charles Spurgeon’s;
Morning and Evening, and it’s quickly becoming a favorite too.
Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God, Day by Day, Streams in the
Desert and Our Daily Bread complete my daily devotions.
With all this rich and varied teaching, available through so many
mediums, my thirst and hunger for God Himself has grown and grown
through the years. I love getting to know aspects of Him through
physics and mathematics, music and language. I enjoy experiencing His
glorious creation; especially here in the beautiful mountains I call
home. I’m awed by His wonderful love for me and although I know it, am
still amazed and humbled by it. The one thing I love the most about
Him though, is His Presence. And finally, His attribute I seek for the
most in myself is Purity. What a precious gift that is.
The evidence of a changed life gives me the assurance of my
salvation, because in the last seventeen years, with God’s grace and
new mercies every morning, I was able to become obedient to Him, and
realize the truth, that He has restored the years the locusts have
eaten.
BACK TO BLESSEDCAUSE
HOME |
If you would
like to share your testimony, see
details
