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For Women Only

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For Women Only

(a small break from BlessedCause)
Ladies, as a society, we've lost the art of womanhood, and it's cost us. "Feminism" is anything but feminine.  

Is your marriage failing? Does your boyfriend avoid proposing? Do you feel cherished?

Most of my adult life I was a modern woman equipped with feminist beliefs. Then I read an old book called Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, and it radically changed my life, second only to the Bible.

I've had more proposals these last 7 years than I did in all my younger years, when I was thinner and far prettier. I've had to refrain from using the principals of the book because I was seriously hurting many male friends when I wasn't interested in them romantically.

Though justified in divorcing my "would-have-been" husband, I take full responsibility for the failure of my marriage because of the way I talked to him. I was reaping what I sowed. I shudder when I hear other women talk to their husbands the way I used to talk to my ex.

When my friend, Genie, first lent me Fascinating Womanhood, I told her there was NO WAY I could be like that. My dad raised me to be a tomboy, I spent many hours under cars with him. Living in the mountains, I prided myself on being a pioneer woman who killed her own snakes. There was no way I could suddenly become someone I wasn't. Genie wisely said, "Jen, you will take to it like water because it's in your nature, you were born with it."  She was absolutely right. She also told me that the first time she read the book, she literally burned it, it made her so mad. But later when her marriage was suffering she remembered some of what she read and tried it. The results are phenomenal.

Since then, as a child care provider, women often dropped off their children in tears because of fights they just came from with their husbands. I'd lend them this book and within days they would come back glowing, understanding why their husbands treated them the way they were, and taking steps to restore their marriage. And it's FUN.

There are times I hate being in this battle over our schools, because I have to confront so many people. This is one of the reasons  women (and the Bible confirms it) should not have to be in leadership, it's not healthy for us. We can't be the women we were created to be while confronting these issues. But when pastors refuse to....   (deep sigh) another issue.

Ladies, men need to be noticed for their masculinity, but we're so busy trying to gain position over them and going toe-to-toe with them, that we may win the battle but lose the war, divorce papers are filed and children lose their dads. It doesn't have to be so. You can have a husband who cherishes you. You can be the most important person in his life apart from Christ. Is there a woman among us who doesn't want to be cherished?

Feminists hate this book and so do many men who have read it, because they don't like to think of themselves as so predictable. But a woman who follows the principals in Fascinating Womanhood is so valuable and sought by men. The emphasis must be on sincerity which is crucial.

For instance, a man doesn't want to feel manipulated by a woman who flatters him, and God condemns flattery. What we need to do is train our eyes to honestly notice the many masculine traits and actions of men, and comment on them.

Men don't like to hear this. They don't want to think women make an effort to think this way, but they want us to think this way. Just try commenting on the muscles or strength of men and watch the flowers pile up. Before I started to refrain from making such comments, I'm sure my florist was beginning to wonder why I was receiving so many flowers from so many different men. My neighbors must have wondered why this "Christian" woman had so many men offer to come over and do MANual labor around her house.

It certainly wasn't what they suspected. I lived a decadent life prior to committing my life to God, and I did the things many would attribute the attention to, but I wasn't receiving the attention back then, because men do not value worldy women. They do appreciate women with high godly standards,

   (though Hollywood works so hard to convince us otherwise), and women who sincerely notice the masculine things about them and say so. Men LONG to be noticed for their masculinity, and we women have been depriving them of it. The way our society of women talk to men is SHAMEFUL.

This book, of which I have no association with and I don't make a dime, gives the nuts and bolts of application.  Ever read a book that makes a lot of sense but gives a vague idea of what to do? That doesn't help much. This book is RICH with examples, actual word for word ideas, with FUN ways of talking to men when we're angry with them that doesn't challenge their masculinity. Ladies, we can have almost anything we want if we would just learn how to ask! Men love to spoil us if we would just respond in a feminine way. It's an art, and it's lost in America. If you want a healthy enjoyable marriage, find it. This book is a great way.

Don't drag your husband to marriage counseling if he doesn't want to go. Is there a man alive who appreciates that? They resent it and it makes matters worse. God created us to be the nurturers and if we would nurture our husbands, we would reap rewards. Yes men can be jerks, my ex was a jerk often, and everyone agrees I should have divorced him. But it's because of the way I talked to him. I shudder when I remember, after reading this book. I treated him the opposite of this book, the way today's society advises us to. He would have been a different man if I had treated him like a man and appreciated him for the man he was.

The one time I sought therapy was when I became a born again Christian and had given up an affair. I was concerned that it was taking SO LONG to get over this guy that I had broken up with. The therapist and I started talking about marriage and the male female roles. I was reading and believing in Fascinating Womanhood and we started to compare his worldly way of thinking with mine. He started listening to me like a student. I quit after three visits because I thought, "Why should I pay to teach him about marriage?" This man started seeking my counsel. At first I thought he was just trying to keep me as a paying client but I quickly realized he was needing help in his own marriage (his third). But I can't help a man, nor can Fascinating Womanhood, because it's not something a man can do, it's up to the woman, the helper. The best advice I can give is somehow get a copy of this book to your wife through a mutual friend or maybe a sister. A feminist woman would hardly receive this book through her husband.

About 15 or 20 years ago, many churches were holding seminars based on this book. Though it's not promoted as a "Christian" book, its all based on godly principals and quotes scripture.  If you buy the book, skim the first 60 pages or so, the really good stuff starts soon after. (It has 380 pages).

God did not create us to be the same. A man and a woman are like puzzle pieces that fit together and create a whole. But to think the puzzle pieces are identical is folly. Our differences should be celebrated, not lost and ignored in the name of "equality." God loves His sons and daughters, but we are truly very different.

Obviously I can't recommend the book enough. It's changed all my relationships with men, though not the male school board members that I've confronted (biting my lip). But it has changed my relationship with my dad and my sons as well. When my dad and I disagree on something, and I can sense he's feeling frustrated that I'm not thinking like he is, I stand back and analyze what's happening. Usually he's thinking like a man and I'm thinking like a woman, and when I say to him playfully, "Oh Dad! You're thinking like a MAN again!" he laughs and all the tension ceases. He's complimented that I see him as a man, and he recognizes that I'm thinking differently than he is because I'm thinking like a woman which is understandable, because I am!

Women, if your marriage is falling apart, special order this book from your local book store, it's amazing. You might hate some of it, you might revolt at the idea, but just try a couple of the examples in sincerity and you will be amazed at the fruit you will harvest. May God bless your marriage and godly relationships.

~Jen  

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