Rumsfeld, "Send in the moms!"
by "We the Women"
Take all American women who
are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks,
outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer
with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan and
Iraq and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard
stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough
to make even armed men in turbans and berets tremble.
We've had our children; we would gladly suffer or die to protect
them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if
they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the
prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as
likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate
diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and
never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile
terrain of Afghanistan and Iraq with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking
down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting
events...finding Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and his sons in some cave
or bunker will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government?
Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws
and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we
understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there
is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money
sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it
...with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban and Saddam hate women. Imagine
their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their
forsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
*************************
I don't mean to be disrespectful to our troops, we are all so
very grateful.
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